rebranded

You know, I've tried to keep a blog updated so often at this stage that I really don't know why I think this time will be different but what the hell.

Hello and welcome to 2005. I could recap all the witty and amusing things that have happened to me in 2004 but they're really only witty and amusing if you were me. Needless to say, 2004 was a damn fine year in which my most major achievement was getting back to Cork. Sounds dumb but has made a major difference to me.

2005? What has it in store? Dunno really, I've got loads of plans (which you'll all hear about at some stage) but mainly I just want to try to look after numero uno for a change. I've started a new job as Beverage Manager with the new Clarion Hotel in Cork (Opening Feb 11th 20050).

Dear mother of god is nothing sacred! In terms of business ideas, I'd love to know what you think of http://www.bananaguard.com/

Cigarette makers are starting to tell the truth on their Web sites. Gee, what if everybody did that? Capitalism and honesty can make for an awkward marriage, What if other corporate Web sites adopted the same approach?

McDonald's - McDonald's agrees with recent scientific findings that fast food may be "as addictive as heroin." Multiple studies have indicated that eating McDonald's food could lead to serious health risks such as heart disease, diabetes, high-blood pressure, obesity, cancer, and many other chronic illnesses.McDonald's also believes that eating large amounts of high-fat food can change gene expression and that a change in diet can result in withdrawal symptoms, such as chattering teeth and shaking, similar to the withdrawal symptoms of nicotine and morphine. McDonald's cares about the nation's health and firmly backs the President's HealthierUS push for Americans to eat fewer fatty foods and exercise more.

Starbucks - We at Starbucks understand that coffee can be a toxic substance. Too much coffee is dangerous to one's health, and excessive use may lead to heart disease, acid reflux, and insomnia, as well as pregnancy complications for women. Starbucks also consents that coffee can be highly addictive, resulting in the release of neurotransmitters that produce dopamine and adrenaline. Users build up a tolerance, requiring additional levels of caffeine to satiate their craving. In turn, withdrawal from coffee can cause dizziness, frequent headaches, exhaustion, irritableness, and constipation. As a corporation, we wish to clarify that while we have claimed to be a proponent of fair trade, less than 1% of our beans actually are acquired this way. Our practices also include the use of rBGH-derived milk (which may lead to cancer) in our stores and ice creams, and the outsourcing of labor to prisoners.

Microsoft - Microsoft is the largest and most powerful software company on Earth. Our products, though often rife with flaws and bugs, are frequently the only option for consumers. This allows us to charge prices that some regard as monopolistic. We are also accomplished in writing code that disables or blocks our competitors' software programs. In the past, we have taken steps to harvest private information from our customers in a continuing effort to dominate more markets and investigate customer preferences. Using our leverage, Microsoft has been able to reward or punish computer manufacturers for their use of our software. We understand that consumers should have a choice in the software they use, and we agree with the Department of Justice that we have overcharged our customers and clients and limited their software options.

Honesty - the best policy :)

Donal lives in Cork, Donal works in the Imperial Hotel, Donal lives off the South Mall (House Warming Party Sat Week), Donal is dead happy....

Had a pretty good weekend, spent my first weekend in the apartment and I gotta say its pretty damn sweeetttt...a. I feel very comfortable there. Fiki and Geoff called over Friday night and we christened the fridge with beer while discussing politics and a whole lot of other nonsensical nonsense.

Ok so I'm a bad person for not updating! To be honest I dont care. Had a pretty damn good week all things considered and as expected for the new few weeks I'll be suffering from that most dreaded of situations "No net access for updating at home".

So here I am, down under in Cork and it is sooooooo damn good to be home... hmmm... thats funny I never realised that until now... it actually is home.... (much musing). Anyway, I got a job (more later), have started to look at places to live and have generally expelled myself of the evil Dublin Demons that were possessing my life.

Its only polite I guess to start with the job situation - DC is now working in the Imperial Hotel on the South Mall where my main job is to transform "Souths" Bar into the centre of Cork's happening nightlife - a challenge worthy of my talents :). It looks like its going to be great fun, the existing staff seem fairly good, friendly anyway and I'll be adding to the staff shortly. *

* If you happen to be a five foot three brunette lady whose currently single and dying for a job, feel free to apply... even if you dont get the job the interview will be fun :)

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, most people often ask for a simple explanation of Marketing. Here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed,"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed,"
That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say,"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed,"
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed,"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed,"
That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Junk Mail.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Here I come! Started packing and its off to Cork come Tuesday. Priorities once I get to Cork, in order,
1. Find Three Bedroomed House near City Centre to rent. Find someone to move in.
2. Get Intenet Access at Home, ideally broadband if available or possible.
3. Start Gaming Again - preferences are (a). Babylon 5, (b). Orpheus, (c). or (d). mindless D&D
4. Go out and get falling over drunk
5. Repeat 5 as often as possible until it seems like a bad idea to go again.

:) I can't wait!

So for those of you who don't know and might care, our bud Gavin is getting married on June 4th. Its kinda the first wedding that I’m actually involved in that I’m one of the Groomsmen, along with my bro Connor (The Best Man), and the medical professions two most dangerous men Eoghan and Rory Mac.

Not entirely sure what that means apart from not having to decide what to wear (cause Gav’s gotten funky suits for us)… maybe if the church is stormed by terrorists, which could happen during Gav’s wedding, we have to rush to his defence of something…..

The happy couple (Gav and Carrie) are getting married in Donnybrook Church in Dublin and then moving to the Four Seasons, everybody say Oooooooooo, for the boozing/reception. Should be tremendous fun as it marks the first real friend of mine who's getting hitched and frankly the rest of you long standing couples should be damn well starting to do something about it! (Come on Lisa! Geoff ain't getting any younger!)

Only damn problem is that I had lined up coffee_lifeform as my wedding date, cause (1). she knows Gav, (2). she's exactly the moral, political and social support I need for this occassion, (3). my mum (also going) already knows her well and has been clearly told that (much to my mums dismay) there's no wedding bells in our future together, (4). we have similiar alcohol tollerances and (5) most importantly, I was dying to see her dressed up for the wedding! :)

Sadly, it turns out that her cousin decided to get married the same day so thats blown that. So now I gotta start looking, thinking and praying....

Social Life - The purpose of your social life is to enhance your career. Regard every drinks gathering as a chance to market yourself, think of every office night out as a career enhancement oppourtunity, see every dinner party as a self-branding exercise an finally see treat every sexual experience as preparation for when you get fucked by your employer.

So anyway I guess the major news is that I'm moving back to Cork, probably this weekend. Been offered a really nice job that I suspect I'd realy enjoy, just gotta go to Cork on Thursday to finialise a few things but once thats done we should be good to go.

Why Cork? Well to be honest I just have a feeling. All said I've been away from Cork for five years now and I've never really been happy. I used to think and blame other things but I think that when all is said and done I miss it. What do I miss? Hard to say but I think there's something about it or more importantly there's something its not... Dublin. I really, really can't stand Dublin any longer, I can't stand the fakeness, the BS, the nonsense that stops you from just getting on with your life.

Now don't get me wrong, there's a lot I don't like about Cork but on the whole I think the next ten years are going to be very exciting for Cork and now that I've been away for a while I think I'm in a better position to evaluate it. Got a lot of good friends here in Dublin that I'm really going to miss, but fortunetly they're all decided that there must be something great about Cork if I'm abandoning Dublin for it so they're all sure to visit :)

Sexual Harasment - Sexual Harassment in the workplace is a very serious offence so make sure you don't get caught (Practise on someone very junior)

That's how I feel right now, right this second. I feel like I'm on the edge with the easy option behind me and everything else just one step ahead of me.

Before you start shouting "Wait! Don't Jump! It's not that bad etc. etc." I'd better explain. It's a good cliff, a friendly cliff, not one of those bad suidical ones :) It's not a real cliff, not a physical one anyway - it's one of those metaphorical thingies or possibly a make-believe one..... whichever it is I feel like I've been standing here an awful long time.

Two opposing forces drive us through life, the drive for friends, love and companionship and then the drive to be independant, to be ourselves to be who we want to be. Those who know me in the real world know that I have tremendous issues with the second one - my entire life has been devoted to the pursuit of the first, never worrying most of the time about what I'd rather be doing!

Well just like Wrestlemania XX, now is the time when "it all begins again". I've made up my mind and decided that I want to do what I'd rather be doing. It is extraordinarly hard to know what you want in life, in fact its harder working out what you want than actually getting what you want.

Starting this weekend, all bets are off and an exciting series of announcements over the next few days will show you where all this is going.